Your child tells you, almost every evening, that nobody wanted to play with them at recess. They clearly want friends, join groups hopefully, and still end up alone within a few minutes. It is not that they prefer solitude, which would be easier to accept, but that friendships never quite stick, and you are not sure what is going wrong.
Why Making Friends Can Be Harder Than Wanting To
Friendships at school depend on a cluster of small social skills working together: reading another child's interest or mood, joining a game at the right moment, sharing attention rather than talking only about one topic, and handling the ordinary bumps of disagreement without the friendship ending. A child who genuinely wants friends can still struggle if one or two of these skills are still developing, since peers often move on quickly to someone else rather than explaining what went wrong. Because these skills usually develop through lots of ordinary practice with peers, a child who has had fewer easy opportunities to practise them can fall a little further behind without anyone noticing why.
Signs Worth Watching
- Approaches peers eagerly but is often not included or is gently avoided.
- Struggles to read when a peer has lost interest or wants to stop playing.
- Talks mainly about their own interests without noticing the other child's response.
- Takes minor disagreements very hard, sometimes ending a friendship over something small.
- Comes home upset or confused about why a friendship did not continue.
- Tends to play alongside other children rather than genuinely interacting with them.
- Seems more comfortable talking to adults than negotiating play with children their own age.
What You Can Try at Home
- Practise reading facial expressions and body language together through simple games or shows.
- Role-play joining a group game, including what to say and when to step back if it is not working.
- Arrange shorter, one-on-one playdates rather than large groups, which are easier to manage socially.
- Talk through specific social moments afterwards, gently, without turning it into a lecture.
- Encourage activities built around a shared interest, such as a hobby class, where conversation starts more naturally.
- Watch favourite shows or read books together and pause to talk about how a character might be feeling.
When It Is Worth an Occupational Therapy Assessment
Many children go through phases of friendship trouble that settle with time and gentle guidance. It is worth an assessment if your child consistently struggles across many social situations, seems unaware of common social cues, or the difficulty is affecting their confidence and happiness over several months. An occupational therapist can look at social communication and play skills together and build practical strategies for real friendships. With steady practice and a few successful friendships to build confidence from, most children's social skills noticeably improve over time. Our play skills and social participation therapy page explains how this kind of assessment works.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is struggling to make friends just a normal childhood phase?
It often is, especially around transitions like a new class or school. It is worth a closer look if the difficulty is consistent across settings and does not ease with gentle support over several months.
Could this be a sign of autism?
It can be one feature in some children, but difficulty making friends is common on its own and does not point to autism by itself. A broader assessment looks at the whole social and communication pattern.
Should we arrange more playdates to help?
Yes, shorter, one-on-one playdates with a familiar peer are usually easier to manage socially than large groups, and they give more chances to practise specific skills calmly.
Can occupational therapy really help with friendships?
Yes. An OT can work on reading social cues, joining play and managing small conflicts through guided practice, which often makes a real difference to how smoothly friendships develop.
